Sometimes, the rejection we’re afraid of hasn’t even happened yet.
We don’t ask a friend to hang out because we’re convinced they’ll turn us down. We don’t apply for our dream job because we assume we won’t get it. We’ve basically internalized the “no,” even though no one has said anything. But why?
“Nakakahiyang Magtanong”
Culture plays a role here through hiya and pakikisama.
Maybe we don’t ask for help because we don’t want to burden others. We don’t negotiate because we don’t want to look too demanding. We don’t speak up for fear of making the situation worse. These can all stem from the notion of “Baka hindi pwede.”
It’s not inherently bad to be considerate of other people’s feelings. We are social creatures, after all. But there’s a difference between respecting someone’s boundaries and putting our needs last.
We can ask for something without demanding it. We also give the other person the freedom to say “no.”
Not an End-All, Be-All
That’s what makes “rejection therapy” interesting: The more we intentionally put ourselves in situations where we might hear “no,” the less intimidating the outcomes can become.
That doesn’t mean we have to collect “no”s every day. It’s more about learning not to turn every rejection into a judgment of our character.
Being rejected in a job interview doesn’t necessarily mean we’re not good enough. A friend declining an invitation doesn’t mean they dislike us. An idea being turned down doesn’t mean it’s bad.
Sometimes, “no” comes with constructive feedback. Sometimes, it’s simply the answer.
Either way, we decide what happens next. We can look at the situation from a different perspective. Even reaching out to someone we trust can help. Otherwise, we can accept that something wasn’t meant to work out and move forward.
We Ask Anyway
It’s valid to feel embarrassed, disappointed or discouraged after a rejection.
Maybe confidence isn’t knowing we’ll get accepted. Maybe it’s knowing that we’ll be okay if we don’t.
Because sometimes, the biggest rejection doesn’t come from someone else. It’s the one we give ourselves before we even ask.
